In my last entry, I spoke briefly
about the trend that has developed in the world which encourages girls to shed
their modesty and innocence as they “come of age.” We looked at the influence that certain media
icons have over our teenage girls and where danger is in allowing them to
define themselves by what is seen on the outside. God looks into the heart and each child of
God, man or woman, is special because they are created in His image with a
purpose designed for their lives.
This
time, I would like for us to look at what we can do to help our young women to
see themselves as God sees them- as God’s Princesses.
Much
of what we do as human beings is habit.
The paths we take, the food we eat, the things we say, etc. The author, Henry David Thoreau embarked on
his famous excursion to live simply in an effort to break with conformity and
habit. But at the end of his experiment
of living in the woods, he lamented that even he had fallen into habit and
conformity, though a different type, as noted by the path he had worn in the
ground leading from the cabin to the lake.
Habits drive a great deal of what we do and thus are hard to break. Studies have shown that it takes 21 days of
doing a thing consistently before it becomes a habit; before it is adopted as a
natural way of doing things. This is why
diets often fail along with quitting smoking- they are lifestyle changes that
have to be made over the long haul.
Changing
habits in the household and around teenage girls can help shape their image of
themselves. Often, we don’t even know
that we are doing something that is perceived in a certain light because to us,
it is a natural thing to do- it is a habit.
In order to change a habit or to adjust our social issues, we must take
a hard look at ourselves and be willing to be brutally honest about what we
do. It has come to my attention that I
think out loud- this may be the reason I am constantly prying my foot from my
mouth. Examining yourself with the aid
of the Holy Spirit is helpful for adjusting how you relate and the impressions
you send. We are going to look at
parents individually and then at them as a unit.
First,
let’s look at mothers. Last time, I
talked about the influence that media idols have on teenage girls and how destructive
the quiet influence can be. However,
moms might be encouraging this view of self without even realizing it, because
they too have fallen victim to it. They
too have failed to see themselves as God’s Princesses. Several years ago, I saw a news feature about
a 9 or 10 year old girl that was already developing an eating disorder. She was obsessed with the way that she was
seen. There was no history of mental
illness in the family, no negative influence from outside sources (I believe
her access to media images was limited), and no other noticeable contributing
factor- except mom. From the outside
looking in, the mother looked to be a phenomenal mother and in all honesty she
was. However, there was one area that
looked to be affecting the little girl’s image of herself. The mother was constantly dieting; she was
constantly talking about not being able to eat certain things; she was obsessed
with her own looks and spent a great deal of time in front of the mirror. And because she was so concerned with her own
image, that concern was picked up at a very young age by her daughter.
Sometimes
the smallest comments, the seemingly most insignificant words can affect how a
girl sees herself. If mom spends time
picking apart herself, she will teach her little girl to do the same. If mom is concerned with keeping up a certain
image, she is teaching her daughter to do the same. One of the most important things that moms
can do for their daughters is to realize that they are God’s Princesses too-
they are special because God loves them.
Moms must model for their daughter’s self-respect and Godly self-image. Don’t give in to the fallacy that you have no
influence over them. Teach them that
they are beautiful in God’s eyes and reinforce that with your own view of
yourself.
Now,
to fathers. Men, think on this thought-
what was Adam’s first mistake in the garden (and don’t say, “listening to his
wife”)? “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was
good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom,
she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who
was with her, and he ate it.” (Genesis 3:6) Notice that Adam was standing there the whole
time! He listened to the serpent, he
listened to his wife struggle to remember God’s word accurately, he stood by
and watched her sin then participated in her sin- all while remaining
silent. His family was about to fall
apart and he remained silent. Men you
must be silent no more! You must not be
silent with your daughters! Your words
can have a tremendous impact on how God’s princesses see themselves.
The first male that
your little girls will ever crave attention from is you. They will forever associate the attention
they get from men with you. I recently
heard the story of 13 year old girl who was going on a “date” with another 13
year old whose father was going to be the chaperone and driver for the
evening. The father was shocked to see
this 13 year girl come out of her house with the most revealing clothes he had
ever seen on a teenager- for the sake of decency, I will not describe it. And what was worse, she went right by her own
father and told him she would be back later.
When she got into the car with the boy and his father, she began to
weep. She then told them that she had
worn those clothes to see if her father cared enough about her to stop her from
leaving- he didn’t. When they arrived at
their destination, she went into the restroom and changed into more appropriate
clothing.
Little girls crave
their daddy’s attention, even into the teenage years. It is the father who teaches his girls what
type of attention is good and what type is bad.
His role is to teach God’s Princesses what it is that she should look
for in a man and what type of man she should want as husband and father to her
own children. While reading Bringing Up Girls, by Dr. James Dobson
(a book I highly recommend, ESPECIALLY FOR FATHERS!) he included a discussion that had taken place
some time ago with about 20 young Christian females. They were permitted to talk about anything
that was on their minds and the topic turned immediately to fathers. Some had great fathers- some not so
great. One story was told by a young
woman who had struggled with weight and self image issues for most of her
life. She recalled how her father used
to tease her by pinching her baby fat as a teenager and calling her things like
“chubby.” He meant it as a joke of
course, but it hurt all the same. For
years this girl struggled with how she saw herself as a result of this
insensitive picking.
But some of the
women had the opposite experience. They
had great fathers who courted these girls.
They talked with them all the time and affirmed the best qualities in
them, sharing the love that God had for them.
They took their daughters out on dates, they encouraged them, and they
didn’t leave the difficult stuff for the moms.
When the girls hit puberty, they didn’t back away; they didn’t stop
hugging them because they now saw them as sexual beings that made them just a
little uncomfortable. They didn’t stop
teaching them what to expect from a man.
They didn’t keep silent. Men, you
shape the way your little girls see other men.
Finally, as a
couple, the husband and wife must model what Godly love is for their
girls. How will a teenager know what a
relationship is supposed to look like if they don’t see it in action? This is something that hits home for Sarah
and I. Both of us come from divorced
homes. And like most divorces, the
issues started long before the divorce came.
We didn’t have couples with strong relationships in our lives that we
could learn from. Our first year of
marriage was especially rough because we hadn’t seen how to do it right. And while we have grown close and worked
through a lot of those issues by seeking out mentors, people that had done it
right, I find myself asking, “How much better would it have been if I had had
someone model Godly, Christian marriage?”
Parents, you must
show your love for each other constantly in front of your kids- and if the love
has faded, find a way to get it back. This
is something you can’t fake. They need
to see your relationship as a partnership; they must also see it as something
that you enjoy. They pick up on so much
more than you think.
As a parent, you
might be tempted to think that your actions have little impact on your
kids. As someone who has spent a lot of
time with teenagers away from their parents, I can tell you the actions of
parents affect them.
Girls are God’s Princesses. He loves them, He cares for them, and He has
a plan for how they should see themselves in light of Him. We are stewards of these Princesses for a
time. To keep with the princess model,
we are like Sebastian in the Little
Mermaid. We are the crabby little
creature (hopefully not all the time) that is responsible for helping the
princess to realize who she is in light of her Father and to point them to a
good Prince. It is our responsibility to
steward these girls into the people that God wants them to be. It is an awesome responsibility and one which
we must not take lightly. And if we refuse to do it, someone else will come
along with a different model that they want for our kids- one that holds up
Britney, Christina, Lindsey, and Miley as the image to follow.
In Christ,
Matt
No comments:
Post a Comment